Traditional Bhutia Marriage Ceremony 

Gnen (marriage) among the Bhutias is traditionally arranged by the parents, but the final consent to the marriage is pronounced by the maternal uncle. Astrology plays an important role in a Bhutia wedding. The marriage rituals are performed by a Lama (monk) at the bride’s house. On an auspicious day (tsezang) chosen by the lama, the groom’s party comprising of his uncle and the phami go to the girl’s house seeking her hand in marriage. The first negotiation towards the marriage is called the khachang when it is finalised and an auspicious date is set for the betrothal ceremony. This is followed by the nang chang, when the boy’s party offers the girl’s family gifts comprising rice, beaten rice, chhang and a whole dressed pig. The boy’s family presents the girl’s maternal uncles and close relatives with gifts such as chickens, liquor and beaten rice. On the bride’s visit to her home after the wedding, her uncle is required to give her presents in the form of cash or kind valued twice or thrice more than what was received during the nang chang. Even the relatives are expected to give her presents in return for theirs. This ritual is called the phal. If the girl’s parents accept these gifts, they are divided among all relatives and neighbours in a symbolic announcement of the marriage. Relations of both sides are invited to the bride’s house but it is the groom’s family which bears the expenses of the wedding function.[1] During a ceremony called chhesiam, the maternal uncles of the girl and her parents are seated on a raised platform while the lama holding a vessel containing madyan etc. recites a prayer and distributes the contents of the vessel among those present; the date of the marriage is then fixed, in consultation with the astrologer.

During the wedding ceremony, the Lama guides the couple through several religious rites or yangug theegug. The groom’s party pays for the milk or the amayi shoring offered to the bride’s mother, along with khadas, a full drink pot (thumba or phahip), among other things. On the marriage day, there is a feast. The wedding itself is conducted in the girl’s house by the lama. The boy takes the girl away on the same day or on the next day, or two or three days later, calculating from the horoscope. The bridegroom is accompanied by a family elder and the bride with a maternal uncle as the mediator. They are called faro.

The practice of junior sororate is traditionally practiced in many of the communities, of Sikkim including Lepchas, Bhutias, Gurungs, Tamangs, Bahuns, Chhettris, Newars, Mangars, Damais, Kamis, and Bhujels. For example, among the Bhutias, traditionally a woman can be inherited by all her husband’s younger brothers and all the sons of her elder sisters, real or classificatory. The wife is considered as being ‘purchased’ by the husband’s group. She has no right to refuse the man offered in place of her demised husband. If she refuses, her group must supply a second woman to replace her. Similarly, if the husband wishes to refuse the wife he has inherited, he must supply another man in place of himself. A Bhutia man can inherit the wives of any of his elder brothers, real or classificatory, the wives of all his paternal and maternal uncles, real or classificatory, and all the younger sisters of his wife, real or classificatory, if he is unmarried. Junior levirate is traditionally practised among the Bhutia community. However, the practice of levirate junior is less common than that of sororate junior.

Monogamy is the general norm among all communities though some communities allow polygamy, mostly polygyny (a man having two or more wives). The Bhutias generally do not have the practice of polygamy though some have more than one wife against their custom. Monogamy is the general practice among the Bhutias too, though the incidence of polygyny is observed. In the North district, among the Bhutias, fraternal polyandry – a form of marriage in which a woman is married to two or more brothers – was earlier practiced. However, the occurrence has declined now.

Remarriages of widow, widower as well as that of male/female divorcee are permissible and common among Bhutias. However, a woman’s second marriage usually does not observe standard marriage rituals and is not formalized,

Traditionally, divorce is permissible but rare among the Bhutia communities of Sikkim. It is permitted with formal social approval.  Divorce takes place on grounds of maladjustment with the wife entitled to compensation. Other common reasons for divorce include adultery, barrenness, impotency, chronic sickness, cruelty, insanity, etc. Either party can initiate divorce. Seeking judicial approval/recourse is also becoming a common trend nowadays among many of the communities. In most cases children are the liability of the father, but there are cases where they are shared between the father and mother.

by Karma Sonam Bhutia and Jigme Wangchuk Bhutia